How to feed emotional hunger
Romantic homeostasis seems to be at work on us as our relationship, tipped so long towards complete contentment, finds it’s own more realistic level. I know the initial feelings of total bliss in any relationship will naturally become interspersed with some frustration or other less-desirable emotions, and the two will take turns defining the relationship as it settles into a more mature version of itself. But that doesn’t mean I will feel comfortable accepting these feelings, now or ever.
Apologies for sounding a bit like a negative Nancy – my general feeling is still one of love, acceptance, contentment. But small nagging points emerge that tend to take hold in the front of my conscience, bothering me more than they should. A forgotten “thank you” here and there for the little things, or skipping over the “how was your day” in favor of a rumination on the events of his own day, for better or worse. I see my own immaturity emerging as I project my unmet desire for personal perfection – normally applied to grades, body weight, or being liked at work – onto my relationship, as well as my desire for constant positive feedback and reinforcement. He’s not feeling well, so I stop by with soup and love and the groceries I know he can’t drag himself out of bed to buy today. He thanks me often, and passionately, for spending the day with him. He loves me, and just being there makes him feel better. Oddly, my first – FIRST! – thought is, “but what about that soup I bought you?”
I get it, I do… a lot of this is in my own head, my own problem, my own responsibility to find a solution… So until I do, I’m trying to keep my irrational mind quiet and enjoy the bliss as much as I can.